John McCain Is The Real Rocky!

So Hillary is like Rocky, huh?

No she is not and neither is Barack Obama. There is only one Rocky in this race. My best friend, John Sidney McCain.

Listen up whippersnappers. John McCain is like Rocky because he will bust you in the mouth. Sometimes for no reason. Why just last week when we were at the rec center he cold cocked Avery Livingston just because Avery suggested getting Vietnamese food delivered. John really hates Vietnamese food and he made me promise not to tell you what he calls it so I won’t.

John’s temper is so scary that Bob Dole won’t even come over for a visit. Bob will only see John in what he calls “safe public locations.”

You know what? John McCain isn’t like Rocky. He is way tougher than that. Did you see Rocky IV? Let me tell you a story. Way back in 1985, me and John went to see Rocky IV. We went to a matinee showing and got our senior citizens discounts so it was quite a deal. Also, John is married to Budweiser distributor, so we snuck beer into the theater and we got a little blotto.

John loves boxing movies because Budwesier loves boxing, so this was a big deal for him. But then Ivan Drago has to go and kill Apollo Creed and John gets really irate because he says it makes boxing look barbaric. Especially when Drago says “If he dies, he dies,” like it’s nothing! So John’s like throwing popcorn at the screen and ranting and I’m trying to calm him down and then John gets up and announces to the whole theater “This movie is bull crap! If that Russkie had killed my best friend I’d have shot him in the head way before he got on a plane back to the Soviet Puke-yun!”

But here’s another thing, if John McCain were Rocky he never would have been best friends with Apollo Creed. See, John McCain Rocky would have accidentally killed Apollo in the ring at the end of the very first movie. End of story.

Look, you people have to stop talking about who is and isn’t Rocky and get on with the business of making John McCain president. I am seriously very frightened about what he will do to me if he loses this election. I don’t know if I’ve made my point but the guy has a temper.